one time i won a female beauty contest for dudes in high school. the whole school met in the gym and all the dudes in the contest wore miniskirts, short dresses, wigs and jammed their hairy man-feet into little high heel shoes. the contest was judged on appearance and talent. i’ll never forget how one of the dudes’ talent was dancing – and his skirt was so short that when he did the infamous white-person “one hand on the neck, one in the air while thrustin the hips” dance, his tighty whiteys barely kept his man-pieces from flogging the audience in the first row. almost everybody’s strategy was to get as slutty as possible with massively stuffed boobs and hooker makeup that looked like it was smeared on with a cheap 4 inch paint brush. but see – that’s where i had the advantage; i went for a little sexy sophistication. my makeup was moderate and my boobs were average, but what sealed the deal was my talent. my talent was juggling. i started juggling and after a few seconds dropped all of the bean bags i was using. “oops!” i said with my hand over my mouth. then i turned around and slowly bent over to pick them up. the crowd went bananas – totally nailed it. see, that’s class right there, people. that’s how you win female beauty contests whilst maintaining your integrity. nowadays i’m sure cross-dressing beauty contests and gender bender days in school are long gone. people can’t handle that stuff anymore. there’d be harassment lawsuits, emotional distress, people crying and passing out and it’d end up on the front page of every news blog. people are way too PC to have fun anymore. but back then it was fun – and i was queen for a day. and i made it look good.